To clean or not to clean
If we’re hanging out this week then I will, but if we’re not then i’ll wait until later.
Putting the pieces together
It’s taking longer to get my room put back together than I thought it would. I have no idea where to put some things. I need someplace to put my alarm clock and the guitars need to be moved to the other side of the room because every time I sit up in bed, I hit my head on them. Everything sounded good when I was planning this, but it’s not working out quite like I thought it would.
Today
I had the chance to do something for the first time ever. I couldn’t go through with it because I was afraid something would go wrong and i’d have to get it done again. -_- I’m going to have to do it eventually.
In some strange way..
..I feel like I’m going to the wrong show tomorrow. Since I won’t be seeing him to say this, I’ll put it here.
Good luck tomorrow night. I know you’ll do great. You always do. I’m sorry I won’t be there to cheer you on. I honestly am. This won’t go on forever. I’d still love to be friends someday, i’m just not ready for that yet. I still miss you. And of course I still care. I never saw it as bad terms. I wasn’t mad, I just needed space. I’d still always be here for you if you needed someone to talk to. My life has been great as well. So much has been going on lately and I’m honestly happy with the way my life is going. But at the same time, I know exactly what you mean. Everything is great, but it’s still missing something. Everytime something big happens, I feel like I want to share it with you. I’m stopping by to drop fudge and other treats off for your family over christmas break. Maybe I’ll see you for a bit then. I hope it’s not weird to hear this from me, but I’m honestly proud of all that you’ve accomplished. Your music is even more amazing than before (if that’s even possible). You’ve gotten a lot done and I’m so happy that everything is working out for you. I really am.
I know him well enough to know…
…that if he actually wanted to talk to me…he would.
So…
Today I got to live in a fantasy for a few hours.
Then reality decided to be a bitch and slapped me in the face.
I can’t help but believe
that this is harder on me than it is on you. You seem completely fine. I’m trying to keep busy all the time so I don’t have any time to think about you, but that’s quite pathetic. I should use this week to feel better about myself; to try to make any improvements that I’ve wanted to make for such a long time.
So far here’s how I’m holding up:
haircutnails done- hair dyed (Planned for Tuesday)
memories placed in a box until further notice- removal of wonderful smelling jacket (Haven’t been able to bring myself to do this yet)
tanning- jogging (Planned for tonight)
- leg exercises (Planned for tonight)
- belly exercises (Whenever my stomach stops hating me)
- getting to the point where everything I eat doesn’t make me feel sick (Not even close)
- attempt to keep remaining sea monkeys from eating each other (Not working very well. There’s only like 3 or 4 left out of the original 30)
- find new and exciting ways to spend my time (In progress)
- figure out how I would like to redecorate my room (Leaving this for when I’m in a good mood so my room doesn’t turn out depressing)
I want to believe that I can do this…I really do. But when the hours seem like days, it’s hard to believe that there could be any possible outcome besides not seeing you again. It feels like you’re already gone and I’m not ready to accept that yet.
