I can’t help but believe

that this is harder on me than it is on you. You seem completely fine. I’m trying to keep busy all the time so I don’t have any time to think about you, but that’s quite pathetic. I should use this week to feel better about myself; to try to make any improvements that I’ve wanted to make for such a long time.

So far here’s how I’m holding up:

• haircut
• nails done
• hair dyed  (Planned for Tuesday)
• memories placed in a box until further notice
• removal of wonderful smelling jacket  (Haven’t been able to bring myself to do this yet)
• tanning
• jogging  (Planned for tonight)
• leg exercises (Planned for tonight)
• belly exercises (Whenever my stomach stops hating me)
• getting to the point where everything I eat doesn’t make me feel sick (Not even close)
• attempt to keep remaining sea monkeys from eating each other  (Not working very well. There’s only like 3 or 4 left out of the original 30)
• find new and exciting ways to spend my time (In progress)
• figure out how I would like to redecorate my room  (Leaving this for when I’m in a good mood so my room doesn’t turn out depressing)

I want to believe that I can do this…I really do. But when the hours seem like days, it’s hard to believe that there could be any possible outcome besides not seeing you again. It feels like you’re already gone and I’m not ready to accept that yet.